Unleash your power

Television at 3:00 on a Satuday night is a miserable panople of infomercials pandering to the solitude of their viewers. Market research must have demonstrated that everybody watching at that point is alone. And if you're alone on a Saturday night at 3:00, watching television, something must be wrong with you.

Ron Jeremy thinks your dick is too small, while Vanessa Williams think's you're alone because you're unatractive. Twin midgets suggest you're alone because you haven't mastered the real estate market, while Tony Robbins and his gargantuan head just grins and takes your cash.

I only hope these pitchmen appreciate the irony of their sales. In effect each one is offering a something to help you be your more "true self." But if I have bad acne, isn't that who I am, Vanessa be damned? Besides, if I bought all these products and assimilated the traits of their pitchmen, I'd be a clear skinned, rich midget with a huge dick and a head bigger than my torso. I suppose we can all aspire.